Cat boundaries

Via Captain Awkward comments.


Agggh – that reminds me of the dim and distant days of my Family of Origin, and the abuse and bad stuff that both parents used to unleash on me through my childhood. One of my Mum’s favourite sayings, to show that we were expected to put up with the crap, was “A dog, when it’s beaten, always comes back for more.”
That was the family ideal. Seriously.
My advice to anyone else in that situation? Be a cat.


I’ve often said that the reason a lot of people hate cats is because they suck at respecting boundaries. They get mad and offended when the cat they’re chasing runs away, or wants to sit next to them on the couch instead of on their lap, or walks away when they’re done being petted. So cats are mean and jerks because they set and enforce boundaries (as well as anything that weighs 8 pounds can, at least).


I know a cat who is actually pretty good at respecting my boundaries – her owner is fine with bitey and scratchy play, I am not, if Cat wants to play with me she has to use Soft Paws or play stops. I’d say her level of success in this is about at that of a little kid, in that she starts well and usually gets over excited, but I’m okay with that.
I mean she also yells when it rains and keeps trying to eat my food, so I’m not sure she’s a great role model.


Cats will respect the boundaries that you enforce. If you don’t consistently enforce your boundary, the cat knows it’s not really a real boundary. 🙂


I had a cat who was an excellent boundary setter who escalated consequences perfectly. Get in his personal space too aggressively? He’d squawk. If the offender didn’t back off, he’d swat with claws in. If they still kept at it he’d swat with claws out and leave. We introduced him to many puppies since he was so great at communicating and enforcing appropriate boundaries. I try to channel him often, although I am not always successful.


My parents’ cat hasn’t let me touch her since 2012 when I put her in the cat carrier. Which annoys me, but I respect the hell out of it.

Rage inheritance

My father's rage, my mother's anger.

It’s like a liver, or a starfish: if she cuts off a piece of that feeling and gives it to you, it will grow back to full size, in both of you.

I want my fuckin' money, Lebowski.

I want it over.

How much longer?

I have these days when it all seems too much and I wish my mother had aborted me, or I'd ended it all long ago. Before Dylan, though, not since, never since. Promises have been made.

Still, the weight.

Leave the rubber on, idiot

I had character shoes with rubber grips on. For one class, I had to have taps. When I got them put on, I was told to take the rubber off from the place I bought the taps. Next door, the shoe place, I did not tell them to take the rubber off because I DID NOT WANT IT OFF, since I would be removing the taps after one semester. Picked them up, and they'd taken off the grips because the tap place called to tell them to. My mother was with me, the wimp. I was furious, but did not argue, because Mother there.

To this day, I want to say "FUCK YOU, I am the one paying you, put the grips back on and make it right youfuckers."


I HATE tap dancing.

MY SHOES.

MY CHOICE.

He was borderline, she 'forgave' me, so...

If you write to me for help because someone is bullying you, I, Jennifer Captain Awkward Rodham Leigh Peepas, do not give a single fuck if your abuser gets into Heaven someday or how they feel about their lives or what possibly caused them to behave this way or if they are a good person at some imperceptible deep down “Schrödinger’s Good Intentions” level. If you want to forgive them someday, great, do it for you. Save all that for after the harm is over and you are safe.

via Captain Awkward.


I am safe. She never considered needing my forgiveness, so I can't force it on her, anymore than I could accept her forgiveness. Him? too damaged, I just don't wish him in any further hell than the life he made for himself. And for her. Let it all end here.

No it was not better then, ever.

One of those Monty Python reunions, they talk about how they used to be able to make ethnic jokes, but now they can't people are so touchy no sense of humor. Can't abide them now, because civility and the people being joked about didn't have the voice or volume to say, Nope, not funny, stop it. They are educated elite white guys complaining that they can't insult POC and women anymore.

Crocodile tears in buckets, the wankers.

SOB

My eldest brother is more smarter than kid sis.

Let not your heart be troubled I would love some pictures I can not write a lot right now but will be back later I do not live on my computer so my mail tends to backup bye for now David

yeah.