How to piss me off, one easy lesson in three parts.

To tell me that my father is smart and knowledgeable and Aunt Evelyn holds grudges and I am "independent," according to the would-be (as an entitlement) brother.

I know my father could fix cars and was smart with his hands, but I also know he couldn't deal with my schoolwork after I was in 3rd grade, treated people badly, and was willfully ignorant of anything new.

Of course I knew Aunt Evelyn had prejudices - she hated Italians for instance. But also that she and Uncle Ernie were the only people in the family who went to Elizabeth's wedding to Ed, after her divorce - a big thing for a very devout Catholic of her generation. I know she loved me, listened to me when no one else did, and I accepted her as a whole, seeing the flaws quite clearly. To assume I did not is condescension, nothing less.

The word "grudge" takes someone else's judgement of character and turns it into a petty spat. Yes, some people take petty spats and turn them into grudges, but to throw the word around is a dangerous activity.

And I value my sense of independence, beats the hell out of simpering dependence. Gosh, I don't just lean on everyone and don't expect them to take care of my every little desire, what a (harrumph!) In-de-PEN-dent little bitch!" On the other hand, I'm also a spoiled little princess, according to my father the last time we spoke. Huh?


Reality to suit, no waiting.