Didn't call, ain't gonna call.

I feel so much better today. The burden I picked up, out of a skewed sense of honor and fairness, is laid down. The truth is still true.

The weight can lie there for all eternity.

Failure is always an option

Coming around, after a bit of choppy water. Letting it be, walking away, all consolation lost. There will be no further attempts to persuade into understanding.

She had a chance, and failed both of us.

That's quite enough, thank you so very much.

Somehow, I never had the evil in my heart to imagine they would blame the victim. Such an alien concept, that the adult, the 'father' was the abused party, and the little girl who had no power, was the cruel one. That I somehow made up my fear and suicidal depression all through my childhood.

My father is forgiven, since he's dead, but they pour fresh acid down and create new wounds.

Oh, the child's fault, sorry I didn't get the memo.

Of course, it was my fault for not loving my father from the moment I was born, and not being a sweet, pink, frilly daddy's girl. I was to blame, sitting there crying, saying nothing, while he shouted at me for hours and hours, I apparently wanted him to call me every filthy name, shaming and humiliating me. When he bullied and harassed me, it was to teach me how hard the world was.

When it all took on a sexual tone as I hit puberty, that was obviously my own invention as well.

Old bastard

My mother forgets, my SIL assumes his party manners were his real self, and I am stuck knowing what an abusive bastard he was to me. They think WE "Didn't get along." As though it were a simple personality conflict.

My gratitude to D as witness to the truth is my sanity.

Death comes for us all.

One of our surgeons lost his young child to a viral infection. All the staff worried for him, especially the ones who are parents. It's the ones who rail against the unfairness of it that shock me to my core.

'And he goes around killing people?' said Mort. He shook his head. 'There's no justice.'
Death sighed. NO, he said, THERE'S JUST ME.

Bad for good

Well, at least she got me off Dr. S's shit list, by being incompetent. I scrubbed in to let her go home, organized the mess and got in close. Dr. S. who has treated me like a bad rash for a few years effusive in praise of me.

Gold out of anything, I say.