The memory of smoke

The memory of smoke

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Not quite yet, sadly

Six week gap, then started Thursday. Hard to complain. Bad news about the taxes.

Will have to live very frugally this year, more than usual.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

DTs from nyquil

Falling asleep the first night not taking cold meds for several days.

Taking a man's and a woman's coat to the car to be dry cleaned. Men's sportsjacket on a hanger on the door frame of the car, the door partially closed on it. I put all three into the car as a woman's voice begs me for a coat or money. I refuse, and she keeps badgering me. When I stand in front of her and tell her no, she comes toward me, still begging, threatening, and I take out a knife, threaten her, and finally stab her.

I see a dark, flat landscape, a plain at night in winter, a dim horizon, and the bright animated, blood spatters, in CGI circles. More spatters of bright color, perfect circles of red, blue, purple, then multicolor circles, then streaks, and I am aware that some people claim they don't dream in color, and this is wrong. The display continues, sharp edged, ultra real, a wave of black & white bubbles, each with an eye. Then a huge octopus, with bright multi colored, perfectly round, suctions, fills the field of vision. Then scuba divers, and faces, and I chant to myself, colored circles, colored circles, because I know faces will become nightmares. Then the whole landscape becomes insectoid and mechanistic, HR Geiger wallpaper, all moving. Fascinating, but I know the skulls and horrors will come soon. I mange to move and break the prodromal phase.

I get up and take melatonin, sit for a while and read, then come back to bed, cold, but surer of sleep.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Prove it

When I paint, my object is to show what I have found and not what I am looking for. In art intentions are not sufficient and, as we say in Spanish: love must be proved by facts and not by reasons. What one does is what counts and not what one had the intention of doing.


Not a bad definition for love.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Dreamed I had to take a test in a Dairy Queen on another planet.

Drugged dreams, in an alien mind. Spiky, dull, pressing dreams. Incomprehensible but annoying.

Not sure if that's worse than a straightforward nightmare.