The memory of smoke

The memory of smoke

Saturday, October 29, 2011


Rules for Life.

1. There aren't any rules, but the ones you create for yourself. Do this thoroughly and thoughtfully.
2. You only have control of yourself, and even then, not as much as you often need.
3. Pay attention, learn from everything and everyone.
4. Tell the truth, especially to yourself. Always be brutally honest with yourself.
5. Be kind, first to others, no less to yourself.
6. Don't indulge in anger, delusion, addiction, excess. If you find yourself slipping into any of these, get help.
7. Don't be eager to tell yourself fairy tales, lest you find yourself living in the dark, real manifestations of them.
8. Beauty is important. Pretty is not.
9. Be curious and questioning, always.
10.Trust your instincts, the more you listen to them, the more reliable they will be.

Stop, stop, stop.

When it starts a little late, I always get my hopes up. Only to have them dashed. Not the last time, not yet.

One day.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Love comes out of like.

If, and it's a big if, my mother wants to have a relationship with and calls it love, then I have a requirement. She has to read through the other site. It's ME, raw, unfiltered, with no one in mind.

If she doesn't like it, then she doesn't like me.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Gods botherers

Oh, gods, it's about god. God loves one unconditionally. "But I don't believe there even is a god, or at least not one worthy of adoration." No matter, god loves you anyway!

Oh, well, that's not offensive in any way.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Or a disaster, whichever.

We've decided, gods help us. We are going to buy. Getting our financial ducks hatched, with a view to putting them in a row.

It's going to be an adventure.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Craving sea level

So blah, so tired, dispirited and disjointed. Not sure why I'm doing anything I'm doing. We talk about possibly buying a house/condo, and I realize how stuck we are here.

This is not where I wanted to end up, washed up on this no-longer-a shore.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Artie chokes three, for a dollar.

Artichokes. I really enjoy them. But they leave my mouth hostile to any other food.

Including tea and beer, which is sad.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Not going to go on forfuckingever

I refuse. I will not live into deep old age. I will end it before then.

I will not outlive my usefulness.

Oh, and Bob Klahn, the crossword complier, I detest him. Not in a bullshit playful way, as in he has added to the groundlevel irritation of life in a completely unnecessary and petty way. He has made the world a worse place.

Screw 'em

OUT, out, out. Enough and enough. Shoo.

You heard me.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

What the fuck was I thinking?

Did I really think I wanted any of these people in my life ever again? Or did I feel I had to let them back in? I certainly didn't realize it would be all my job to do.

If they want more, it's on them, I'm done and done.