Quiet birthday.

Three times seventeen. No period yet, and I start to get my hopes up again.

Needing to wake up and hold on tight.

Dreamt I put a piglet through the washing machine. Funny at first, comic style, pig running around the drum. Later, became more real, and horrible, like the fetal pigs dissection in Biology in high school - but larger, bruised and still breathing.

Woke up thinking I'd tortured a poor animal, and had to find a way to kill it and end the suffering, revolted at myself.