Sure sign of a deranged mind.

I think I have been the bad guy often enough. When a highly rated volunteer organization corners me into having to say No repeatedly, instead of letting me go politely, it's getting a bit much. Or maybe I really am unlikable.

Do not trust anyone who uses exclamation marks in official communication, or un-ironically.

Scape goats and bad guys

I learned, from a really good guy who broke up with me the night I got activated to Gulf War I, that it is sometimes honorable to be the "bad guy." I had already taken on the role with the ex, then learned that I'd done the right thing. I still respect him (good guy) for telling the truth straight out, no matter how it made him look. A clean break, no muddled blame.

Former friend tried to dither and backpedal, and I took on the chin what she should have.

Happy fucking mother's day.

As for my mother. She chose her abusive husband (my abusive father) over her own children, when we were still children. I tried for a long, long time, as long as I'd been in her debt, and more.

We have not spoken for over a decade. I have not seen her for eleven years today. I'm sad about this, and deeply relieved.

Sucks when your bronchioles spasm

Woke at 0350, congested, mind spinning madly. Sat up for a while, finally took benedryl and went back to sleep. Still woke at 0830, with incipient asthma tightness. Frightening enough.

Drank lots of strong tea for the theophylline which helped a lot.

And there is no excuse for neglect.

I have a problem with neglect. With letting too much slide for too long for those who you claim to love and care for. And former friend had a habit of neglect.

Attention is important.

What is ok, what is not.

I had to report to a supervisor about a charge nurse's unprofessional conduct. Nothing salacious, but definitely not OK. Manager initially asked me about a scrub (with a mean streak), and I had to say, no, not the problem. I don't like to work with him, but he is who he is, and I have nothing specific and measurable to report about his behaviour, so I have no official issue with him. I will not gossip, I will not tattle. I will report conduct that breaches acceptable behaviour of a supervisor.

Some people should not ever be in charge, and I know because I am one of them. But then, I don't allow myself to be put in that position.

8 1/2

My father has 8 1/2 fingers. The first was lost long ago, and the story was never told. This is suspect, because this man told stories about everything, usually elaborate lies. The fact that there was no explanation at all tells me he was doing something extraordinarily stupid.

The 1/2 finger was due to carelessness with a lawnmower at his cemetery groundskeeper job.