They know bloody well they are wrong.

 No one who truly believes they are right threatens to hurt anyone for expressing a contrary view. The snarling threat of violence never comes from people who calmly believe they are in the right. It is always the instant resort of the bully who feels the hot flush of shame rising in the cheeks and the cold rock of fear dropping in the pit of the stomach.

- The Atlantic

 Tom Nichols

Epley Maneuver

 

• Start by sitting on a bed.
• Turn your head 45 degrees to the right.
• Quickly lie back, keeping your head turned. Your shoulders should now be on the pillow, and your head should be reclined. Wait 30 seconds.
• Turn your head 90 degrees to the left, without raising it. Your head will now be looking 45 degrees to the left. Wait another 30 seconds.
• Turn your head and body another 90 degrees to the left, into the bed. Wait another 30 seconds.
• Sit up on the left side.

Follow these steps if the problem is with your left ear:

• Start by sitting on a bed.
• Turn your head 45 degrees to the left.
• Quickly lie back, keeping your head turned. Your shoulders should now be on the pillow, and your head should be reclined. Wait 30 seconds.
• Turn your head 90 degrees to the right, without raising it. Your head will now be looking 45 degrees to the right. Wait another 30 seconds.
• Turn your head and body another 90 degrees to the right, into the bed. Wait another 30 seconds.
• Sit up on the right side.

Negotiating with the terrorists

"When I think about the most painful conflicts and betrayals I've experienced, the worst thing they all have in common was the moment where the person who was supposed to care about me and be on my side stopped negotiating on my behalf and started negotiating with me on behalf of the person or situation that harmed me. That's the part I can't forgive, all the times it was supposedly on me to 'be the bigger person' and keep showing up to be mistreated. 'But you can't expect _____ to do the right thing, so you have to do it.' 'You're lucky and have resources that your [bully][rapist] [abuser]doesn't, you have to set an example.' 'Why do you insist on antagonizing _____[a person I just wanted to ignore and be ignored by literally forever and went out of my way to avoid] by [getting visibly injured/upset when they harm you] and [demanding that they leave you alone]?' 'Just give them a chance, otherwise how will they learn?'

Infinte tolerance is a ridiculous stance that no one actually takes.

Racism is not up for debate. 

Homophobic hatred is not worthy of equal time.

There is no defense of genocide. 

There are not two legitimate sides in every situation. 

 

No, not all opinions are valid. 

 Some are simply wrong.

Odessa Step Sequence.

 

Oh, Canada.

 We have years of experience clearing white infrastructure snarling shit off our roadways.

Love as a verb is fine.

I prefer action words as much as possible. There is no "but she is your mother and loves you" as an excuse. If you replace love with what you truly desire and the sentence does not make sense it's time to reevaluate a relationship. "but she is your mother and protected you" nope. "but she is your mother and was kind to you" also nope" On and on. This is also a typical play of abusers. They push you and push you, for weeks, and then make the final push in front of other people. You react strongly. Your reaction matches the fact that you've been tormented about this topic for weeks, even asking, no begging, for this to stop. However, the people present for the last push only see that and you look crazy for the reaction.

When time devours the future.

 I'm in the process of the new job. But we are not home and dry yet. Personally or as a world.

Forward, onward, hold steady. 

No wonder I sobbed for three days

Children don’t want to break off their relationship with their parents, whether that child is twenty-five or sixty-five. The Still Face Experiment by Dr Edward Tronick in 1975 showed babies will attempt to fix a bond with their caregiver.

"An infant, after three minutes of 'interaction' with a non-responsive expressionless mother, rapidly sobers and grows wary. He makes repeated attempts to get the interaction into its usual reciprocal pattern. When these attempts fail, the infant withdraws [and] orients his face and body away from his mother with a withdrawn, hopeless facial expression." — Edward Tronick

When the mother goes back to being attentive and expressive, the infant is overjoyed. This experiment shows our need for connection with our parents starts very early in life. Much like the infants in this experiment, as a grown-up child I would feel overjoyed if my parents apologised and proved they had changed.

Maybe these children leave their parents because they are brave, not because they are ungrateful brats. Maybe they gave their parents plenty of chances to repair their bond.

https://www.msn.com/en-au/lifestyle/familyandrelationships/i-have-no-idea-what-ive-done-wrong-why-i-distrust-parents-of-estranged-children/ar-BB17K0ml?ocid=sf

Humans need humane men

https://www.pittwire.pitt.edu/news/study-men-scoring-higher-man-box-scale-are-prone-violence-mental-illness

To help clinicians more efficiently monitor their male patients’ attitudes, the researchers developed a shorter version of the survey including only the five items that had the strongest associations with violence and poor mental health:

1. A man shouldn’t have to do household chores.
2. Men should use violence to get respect if necessary.
3. A real man should have as many sexual partners as he can.
4. A man who talks a lot about his worries, fears, and problems shouldn’t really get respect.
5. A gay guy is not a “real man.”   

Function follows feet.

Fucking knees hurt so badly after a day at work with 14K steps. Feet hurt intermittently. At least I was useful.

My value in life is surely to be of use.

Eat the rich, however bad they taste

"So you talk about mobs and the working classes as if they were the question. You've got that eternal idiotic idea that if anarchy came it would come from the poor. Why should it? The poor have been rebels, but they have never been anarchists; they have more interest than anyone else in there being some decent government. The poor man really has a stake in the country. The rich man hasn't; he can go away to New Guinea in a yacht. The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all. Aristocrats were always anarchists."
- G. K. Chesterton
The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare

Via Whiskey River

Remarkably comfortable

Started wearing a corset last week. It seems to help my poor back, improved posture. Costume history and research.

And I have a bit of a waist again, which is good for my head.

River of piss

Dreamed I smelled cat urine, and saw that Moby had peed in the dining room, a puddled stream half way across the room, squatted at one end. And I was anguished that we'd let him get that ill that he was so completely incontinent. Dylan was glad to see him alive, but I had to take him aside and say "We are hallucinating. Moby died in my arms right here months ago. This isn't real."

I'm still grieving. I weep. I don't miss the piss, but I will never stop missing the great soul of that cat.

Dealing with the public

I've yet to find a way to get people to talk more quietly to the voices in their head.

-Dylan

And the work goes on and on and on

That last post from Captain Awkward, of course.

Still in foot pain, still exhausted, still marginally self-destructive.

I want to be well and full and energetic. I can work toward that.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda....

If “should” is somebody’s only argument for spending time together as a family, like “Look this Family Tree is basically a binding contractual Org Chart that means that you have to do what I want and I get to treat you however I want and you still have to love me and show up for me, forever” and they have nothing else to offer, or they insist that anything nice or fun also has to come with a bunch of vitriol and blame and unkindness? Maybe that’s a shitty bargain and you get to opt the hell out and join our union, the union of adults who can’t undo the damage of childhood but who can refuse to accept ongoing harm as a condition of having a family. “The Fuck-Its Local 101.”

Fuck should.

Be.

When sleep isn't enough

Woke up wondering if I'm ever going to be well again. Relived Moby's last minutes, and wept a bit. But then I've been breaking out in sobs a lot recently, not always with a specific reason. Grief/exhaustion/virus crying. Best not to be at work for this.

Chatted with neighbor this morning, too. He's worried about the world, as am I, so we consoled each other. I petted Spike - his silver schnauzer-mix-rescue, which is always a happy for both of us.

Feeling the fatalism, twenty or so more years, which is too much, not enough, how can I go on that much longer, let it not be that long, oh no not that little left...

It's the fatigue talking, I know.

Dropping the baggage

Broken toe, broken wrist, death of Moby, death of mother, death of co-worker, fired scrub, two new bullies, long hours, bad virus.

Falling back, tactical retreat. Eventually everything fails apart.

Yes, I wrote that as I intended.

Fuxing bullies

Getting through this cold hard month of darkness and irritation. Scrub cow-orker thinks she's better than anyone at anything, loud and making stupid power-plays. She's not a good scrub, still new, does not see her own failings, makes up words, super confident based on nothing much. Worked with her yesterday, with one of my more high maintenance surgeons on a very long day. At least the resident and PA were helpful and appreciative.

What I don't understand is people who think everyone should like them, and are offended when it isn't true. I've always assumed most people were neutral or didn't much like me, and I'm always so touched and amazed when anyone does like me. Despite the underlying damage that causes my view of the world, it does mean I'm far less susceptible to being shocked with comeuppance when my assumption is proved wrong.

I'm done with bullies. Damn them all.